By: Sharon Fekete
Saint Bernadette is the patron saint of illness
Let me start by saying I’m not one to talk about saints and churches. I have been on a spiritual journey for 25 years now and I believe a strong force lives inside all of us. I’m also promising not to think too hard about what I’m about to share because if I do I might not make it through this blog. I’m just going to tell you a story of what happened to me in October of 2019.
I released my first book, The Broken Road to Mental Health, in Life and in Business on August 11th, 2019. That was the day of my 25th sober anniversary, also known as my Mom’s birthday. On October 10th, 2019, I celebrated my 10 year wedding anniversary & then my 47th birthday on October 13th. So, just to frame it up….there was a lot going on. (I’m also a stepmom, have 2 fur-babies and own 2 businesses, just sayin…for context).
Some friends of Bill W. (look up reference if you want) invited me to join them on a spiritual retreat, the weekend of October 18th. My first reaction was HELL TO THE NO but that is my natural rebellious reaction internally most days. I was tired, busy, and not in the mood to be around a bunch of people quite honestly at a place run my monks to meditate. I went to Catholic school and the whole retreat thing at a place called St. Leo’s seemed a little much for me at the time. Let me be clear, I love all things spiritual but my plate was full and the last thing I needed was rest. (insert a peak into the brain of an entrepreneur) I was gifted an energy clearing session already & stayed at my “retreat” spot at the Hilton on Clearwater Beach for a 3 days so I was “good.
Yes, I ended up going. I have been practicing ‘opposite action’ for about 25 years now. I do the opposite of what my mind initially tells me because I believe the universe has something bigger in store for me. Considering I escaped death a few times I realize my initial decisions might not actually be the best ones.
So…. the wonderful group of people attending this retreat encourage me to visit ‘the grotto’ on Saturday night. Initial thought, NO. So I go and everyone is so excited to share in this sacred place & pointing out all of the beautiful statues of Mary, Joseph and other peeps but THIS one featured at the top grabs my attention. I am going to report exactly what happened ….. now ……
I turned to this statue behind me and immediately thought, “what the hell happened to you?” She looked so sad…desperate….in pain. I asked her what happened and then I took her picture. I leaned back a SKOSH and took another picture. (notice, she’s looking right at me with a different ‘look’…keep going back and forth between the pictures and TELL ME how her neck turned and looked at me like that!!) She told me she needed my help. That’s what she said. She needed my help….I’m crying as I write this now because it was so powerful and so abundantly clear. I never shared what she said with anyone but THAT is what she SAID!! I understood what she meant then and I understand it today even more on a very deep level.
I asked the monks at breakfast the next morning who she was and I was told it was St. Bernadette. I was kind of bummed that it wasn’t St. Theresa…it would have made more sense. Or so I thought… she needed my help and wanted me to keep speaking up about mental health, depression, addiction, alcoholism, and offer HOPE to others. That’s what she wanted. She knew of the break in tradition I believed I was making within my 12 step community but she set me free that day. Too many people need help right now and I need to be ok with offending people. It has been an internal struggle to a degree that I could never actually put into words. A decision to stay radically vulnerable outside of my recovery rooms.
I had no plan. I didn’t intend on writing that book in 2019, it wasn’t on my 2019 goals list (I write business goals at the end of every year). That book came through me, not out of me. I wanted to offer hope to all of those that may think they are alone. I wanted to encourage others in the business community to come apart and still be strong. To extend an offering that might not be ‘the popular’ thing to do…but the right thing. I was set free the moment I made the decision to live a life that was saved so many times before.
It turns out St. Bernadette was pretty bad ass! She had many believers and a ton of skeptics. Her life was pretty miserable until Mary spoke to her in Lourdes, France at the grotto. Ironically, considering today’s temporary new normal, she died from complications of pulmonary issues. Maybe irony isn’t the right sentiment so let’s just call it grace.
Mary spoke to Bernadette and then she spoke to me. I called Mom before I wrote this blog to see if she still had a picture of me crowning the Virgin Mary after my 1st Communion. Mom wanted to carry out an Irish tradition in East Rockaway, NY and I was to crown the Virgin Mary (can you see the image of an innocent 2nd grader in her communion dress crowning the Virgin Mary and then a few years later moving to Detroit in a blackout?!). Not sure if I was too thrilled about the “May Procession to Church” then but I am certainly connecting some spiritual dots here now! I remember holding that rosary tight and crowning Mary on that windy day in Long Island like it was yesterday.
Today is the Feast of St. Bernadette. I believe in my heart she is watching over all of us now. I also believe when she was taken to that mental asylum because of her convictions that she was yet another mental health warrior. It’s yet another whisper to keep on going…to never give up…to keep sharing hope with others…to live a life of service….this too shall pass.
I could totally be that 2nd one in from the left with the short rebellious skirt! LOL! #notme
