Chester Bennington
This is going to be incredibly hard for me to write, but it needs to get out…
July 20, 2017…
I was in upstate Ohio visiting my wife’s grandmother ahead of a family reunion weekend and my phone started to go off around 10am or so. At the time, in my opinion, it was a bit challenging and perhaps rude to start checking my phone while I was visiting with family. It got to a point where I needed to excuse myself to see what was going on because it wasn’t normal…
At that very moment, I was informed that Chester Charles Bennington had died by suicide.
Perplexed, shocked, and in disbelief I didn’t know what to do or say. I just stayed quiet for a bit and went back to my family. The idea of this being real wasn’t sinking in just yet. It was too much for me to comprehend at the time with my focus on so many other people, but eventually I would find myself alone, with time to let it sink in and it became real…
We had just settled into our hotel room at the reunion spot in Ohio and I started to put things away to organize and settle in. I decided to play some music while I did all of this and, you bet, I chose to listen to anything Chester. The memories that I have and the ones that I started to relive in my head were running through me a million miles an hour. What all the words meant to me then and what they mean now. All the aspirations to have a heart the size or his! The standard he set as a father and husband, something I wanted to be so badly and applied all to my core being, was gone in a single moment…
Fast forward to the present and I’ve now realized he’s not gone!
There have been situations that have come from this tragedy, that make them a little hard to comprehend or explain. This entire situation messed up a lot of people, A LOT. However, it brought so many together to #makechesterproud and create awareness for signs of suicide, depression and all things of this nature. People of all walks of life came together to represent everything it seemed he was trying to accomplish and there’s no other way to describe that other than, beautiful. The love among strangers, thousands of people all over the planet reaching out to his wife Talinda B. making sure she felt love and a sense of someone there for her. It was truly amazing to see it all unfold.
Chester Memorial organized by @krystlelouise11 Thank you!! 🙏🏻🖤
This tragedy changed my life in so many ways, it’s unreal. I was impacted severely by it and for the longest time, I was lost… Lost, indeed, but I had this strong sense of direction and dedication to helping people. #makechesterproud became my direction and I applied it to many things. I’ve made new friends, I went to a memorial and spoke to a crowd on a mic!!! I could never do this stuff before! I’ve been able to get outside of my comfort zone on so many levels, it’s somewhat scary. None of this would be possible if we’rent for Chester’s selfless act of love and the message he shared with every effort he had…
When I listen to the songs that got me through rough times back in 1999 to my tour managing days where I would listen to “My December” over and over knowing I missed my family and was homesick, even crying sometimes. I’d be thousands of miles away from my friends and life stuck on a bus in my tiny bunk waiting for the next day to come that brought the same drama that happens daily on tour… (Blog about that at another time)…
When I listen to the songs now, I have a totally different perspective. I don’t think about my problems, I think of his! I’ve realized that these lyrics are real and tell a story of pain and misery. Yes, we all related to the words and made the lyrics represent what we were going through, but when you go back and pay attention, it all tells a horrific story that was his brain. Imagine telling your most embarrassing secrets to a few hundred people and how you would feel while doing it? This was a reality for him. When he would scream “put me out of my misery”’ he meant it, just like every other lyric or phrase. This is depression on a level like no other and he was very open about it. It was a long battle, but he didn’t lose, the disease merely became too powerful.
The video below needs to be a wake-up call to anyone that speaks this way or hears it. This is one of the last interviews that he did before the tragic event and it’s the biggest cry for help I’ve ever witnessed. If you ever hear anyone speak in this fashion, it is on you to do something. It breaks my heart knowing what he was battling on a daily.
It goes without trying to even speculate, but ask yourself what mindset you might have to be in to end it all? Seems crazy? —————> Depression is not a choice….
So, today is his birthday and it’s the purpose of this blog entry. Because of you, Chester, I’ve come out of my shell a bit and now feel confident sharing my feelings, thoughts and sharing personal experiences I would usually internalize. Whenever I was around you over the years, it was always pleasant and I will cherish all of those times. Thank you for pouring your heart and sole into everything you did, it showed and a ton of people felt it and will forever to continue to feel. I wouldn’t have this website if it wasn’t for your gigantic heart and me relating to the struggles in life. I owe so much to you and your family, I pray that you somehow receive this message and realize how thankful the world is to have you in a spec of life that was so much more than a moment….
All the love in the world,
B
P.S. I wouldn’t have this outlet if it weren’t for everything mentioned above. I’m extremely grateful and blessed to be able to do this. We spent a great deal of time grieving as a family after all of this happened and to see my little girl find the joy to do this was more than proof that I was so, so wrong about him being gone…
I see you in her <3
Happy Birthday to your kind soul and thank you for so many things…
